we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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