i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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