Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
