I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
