You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
