I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
