I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
