Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
