he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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