Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
