So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
