so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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