You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
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