I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
