You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
