is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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