The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I need to sanitize my soul.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
