I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
