Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
