I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
