nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Randomize
