dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
