I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
