we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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