fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
