The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Just took my morning after pill in the library
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
