Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
