I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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