It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
