I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
