I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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