that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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