Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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