Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Found your dick twin last night
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
