I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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