So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
