I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
