So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
