The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
