they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
