if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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