I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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