even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
