That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
