do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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