Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I am available for nakedness
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
