The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
