Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
