Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
