matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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